Just Because

Just because you don't want me in the same way I want you doesn't mean there is something fundamentally wrong with me. So why do I feel like there is?

I gave you everything I had, nothing was held back. You knew every corner of my soul, and then you didn't want it. Why?

I know there's nothing wrong with me. Or at least, I think I do. I'm OK with who I am. Why aren't you?

And through all of this, why can't I convince myself that you're not the one for me? That you and me would never work like I once dreamed it would, that we can still be friends despite all the emotions that lie just beneath my surface?

It will be a long, rough path, but you'll see. Soon enough I'll be back on my feet, strong and proud of who I am.

It will just take some time.

I'm Here!

I'm back, after two days of driving, multiple bathroom stops (after which my grandma felt she needed to inform us of certain details that I did not need to be informed of. ever.), and a lot of moving boxes around. I'm moved in and mostly settled. It's been good to see everyone, even though not everyone's here yet. But I'm looking forward to seeing them, too!

Do you have that friend who you love, but can't be around for more than maybe an hour or two? Then you spend a whole day with them, listening to them whine and ask you to do things which you'll do because you're too nice to say no, but not nice enough to avoid ranting about it on your blog later? And you know that she says she'll do something to repay you, but she's been saying this for the two years you've known her and she has yet to really come through on that? Yeah, that's been my last day and a half.

I think that's about it. I just wanted to let my readers know I arrived safely in my second home.

Zero (or, technically, .5ish)

The time has almost come. In a few short hours, I'll be leaving once again for another year of crazy adventures, studying, and the company of great minds and hearts. But we never truly stop learning, and let it be known that just because I haven't been sitting in a classroom these past three months, I learned plenty.

I learned that even if you don't reach a goal you've set, you still benefit from the process of reaching for it. I had a goal to lose 20 pounds this summer, and I didn't quite make it, mostly because I love food too much. But even though I didn't lose exactly 20 pounds, I still came pretty darn close, and that alone should make me proud of myself. I learned some self-discipline (there were some days where it was VERY difficult to get up and go run), and even though I didn't drop sizes on my clothing, I feel that much better about myself, because I made some progress, and that's better than none.

I got to spend time taking care of some wonderful (and some not so wonderful) kids this summer, and they really opened my eyes. It's been a while since I spent time with anyone that young, and they taught me the importance of being young and innocent again, and that yelling and being stern isn't always the best way to get someone (especially someone that young) to go along with you or listen to you. Sometimes simple reason is all someone needs, or you need to come up with a compromise.

I'm sure there was more that I learned this summer, but I'm far too excited to focus on it right now. Seward, I will see you in a day and a half.

One

Maybe this is a trait unique to me, brought on by years of reading fantasy novels when I was younger. And the ones I read now. And the ones I will continue to read as I progress in years. Regardless, reading these stories makes me want to be a hero. Accepting the call to adventure, feeling the freedom and independence and responsibility of the journey of a hero.

As someone who enjoys writing (but doesn't do it nearly as often as he should), I find literary techniques to be rather interesting, especially when they combine with the idea of the Hero. At this crossroads we find the template of the Heroic Journey.

Without going into too much detail, the story of the Hero has a few basic steps. There's Departure, in which the Hero is assigned his (or her) task and, well, departs. There's usually some hesitation, but by the end of this first part, the Hero is on his (or her) way to being just that, a Hero.

The second step is Initiation. Initiation of the journey, and initiation into the world. The Hero-to-be realizes that things are not plain and simple as they were when they were young. The world is full of both good and evil, power and weakness, and the Hero realizes this and learns exactly what it is they need to do to be successful.

Finally, the Return. This is the ending, the denouement. The Hero's journey is through, the bad guy defeated. Sometimes the Hero is glad to return, for things to be the way they were before. Other times they fight it. After having drunk of this power, this freedom, why would they leave it behind?

The part that really gets me thinking, is how can this be shown in my own real life? I'm not a character in a book, after all. I don't get tasked with a divine mission of taking out the ultimate evil and saving the world, the Hero's Journey can't possibly apply to me in such depth, can it? Well, maybe not exactly, but in a metaphorical sense, the Hero's Journey plays itself out many times throughout life. College, for example. Many people are scared and nervous when they get ready to head off (Departure). Yet after all the experiences and excitement (Initiation), they are sometimes reluctant to come back and go back to living in their parents' house for the summer, working a summer job (Return).

That's just one example. How are you a Hero?

(Note: This was my main source in the parts of the Hero's Journey. It's an interesting read, in my opinion.)

Two

I'm beginning to think I numbered these wrong, or that I missed a number somewhere along the way. But that's not important right now.

I'm thankful that, despite all the work that went into it, I got to see so many of my family members today in a huge get-together before I head back off to college. As much fun as it was, that's not what's on my mind right now, either.

What I'm thinking, right now, is of one of the wonderful role models in my life. A fellow blogger, she has inspired me to keep a (somewhat) daily log of what I think and feel. By opening up and sharing a bit of herself every day, I like to think I'm doing the same thing. Maybe I'm not quite as good at it as she is, but then again, she's a little bit older and infinitely wiser than I am. She's not afraid of showing that she, like everyone else, is imperfect and vulnerable.

She sets great examples for me and everyone else in her faith, her 'can do' (and canning) attitudes, and in her writing. I could go on and on about how inspiring she has been to me this summer, and how much I look forward to reading her work every day, but I don't want to seem like I'm brown nosing, here.

All I will say is that I'm both excited and honored to be a student of Lisa Smith both in the past and this coming semester, and that whether or not she reads this, she has been one of the greatest recent influences in my life.

Three

I'm tired and really don't have much to say today. Instead, here's some videos for you to enjoy.

You can ignore the video on that last one. I just like the audio ("Ireland's Call" by Celtic Thunder). It's a pretty epic song, in my opinion.

Four

I wish I could live in a castle. Not one of those big houses that you think is a castle when you're a kid, just because it has two stories and a pool in the backyard. No, I wish I had a castle like the kind you dreamed about as a kid, with turrets and a moat and a giant banquet room where you could entertain all your friends and family. Hidden away in a forest, your own little slice of heaven.

Castles are cool. That's basically what this is saying. The soaring arches, the secret passageways, everything about castles just appeals to the imagination. Well, that's my opinion on it, anyway.